The End???

If you have been reading my past blogs, I talked about a past love a few times. Well, I saw her over the weekend. Instead of my legs feeling like noodles and I’m about to fall to the ground when I see her, I felt something different.

This girl means a lot to me, and I would practically do anything for her. Many times in the past, she would ask me to sing, but I’m very strong about saying NO. I don’t have the singing voice, and that is why I’m in the background playing an instrument. The other day, I was very close to sing a song just to “win” her back, but held myself back knowing how horrible my singing voice is. Then her and her sister asked me to breakdance. I felt that is something I can do since I used to do it as a teenager. I was a bit hesitant because I wasn’t feeling 100% due to a party that lasted all night long the night before. Well, I just convinced myself to go ahead and do a few moves to please them. That was a big mistake. About a month ago, I hurt my wrist really bad, and I had to wear a splint. I recently took it off this week because I felt it was strong enough that I didn’t have to wear it anymore. Well, I re-injured my wrist doing one breakdancing move, and I told them I had to go home now because I was in so much pain and had to get the splint back on ASAP.

When I was driving home from their house, I had a lot of anger building up. I thought I was angry at them for “pressuring” me to entertain them, or angry at myself because I fell into peer pressure. Then I realized I was angry because I can’t go back to the gym as I planned. Because of this anger, it made me realize for the first time that maybe this is THE END, and we are not meant to be together. For the past two years, I’ve been holding on to the idea that it wasn’t our time when we were together/dating, and one day, we can be together again, or even married. Because of the current situation, my bubble burst, and I have a new perspective.

I’m thinking I need to be strong and let go of the past. Because of my “bubble”, I truly ignored potential relationships or were in a few failed ones. I just want to fast forward my life and be in a happy place with my love life.